


must be paranoid

by Youreritingsux



Series: eboys one shots (mlm) [6]
Category: Commentary crew, eboys - Fandom
Genre: Alex isn't okay, Anxiety, Depression, Getting Together, Helping, LGBT, Lowercase, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Sad Alex Elmslie, cannon bi charater, george is a worried boy, george kinda takes a back seat in this story, i don't wanna spoil in the tag so i have no clue what to put, suportive will lenney, this may just be me dumping my problems into a fic..., vent fic, venting, will's such a sweet heart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-11
Updated: 2020-10-11
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:01:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26957740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Youreritingsux/pseuds/Youreritingsux
Summary: alex hasn't been talking anyone since george left for vacation a week ago. george gets worried and calls will to check up on him.
Relationships: Alex Elmslie/Will Lenney
Series: eboys one shots (mlm) [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1938247
Comments: 3
Kudos: 66





	must be paranoid

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will had groaned as his phone went off, he glanced at his alarm clock. **6:34 am**. six in the morning?! six in the fucking morning and someone was calling him?! he grabbed his phone seeing **_george_ **splayed out on his phone screen. he answered it reluctantly.

"right, someone better be fuckin' dying" will said, not bothering to sit up in his bed, he stayed laying down, fully intent on going back to sleep once george was done talking to him.

"can you go over and check on alex?" georges worried stricken voice made him sit up, still groggy and tired from his sleep schedule being absolute shit lately, but it caught his attention a bit more.

"jesus george, al's an adult he can take care of himself" will said rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

"he hasn't answered my text or calls since i left, think i have a right to be worried now, it been nearly a week" the other males voice getting defensive "have you heard from him?"

will dug in his memory, he realized that he hadn't... no calls, no weird texts asking him obscure things, or giving him some weird fact he just found out on the internet, nothing... just radio silence. _surly the group chats though_ will didn't check those every day.

"give me a sec" will threw george on speaker phone and clicked to his texts, he checked the group chats that george wasn't in, hopefully he'd see a meme, or text from alex in one of them. _nothing_. now will was just as anxious as george sounded, he pushed the covers off him and moved himself to the edge of his bed, placing his feet on the rug, bouncing his legs a bit, suddenly full of anxious energy "no, nothing in the group chats, or personally, s'weird"

george gave a small sigh "see, james said he hadn't heard anything from alex either... i know it a lot to ask, and it's probably nothing, but can -"

"pretty much out the door already" will said tugging a random shirt he picked out on, having got up as george was talking.

"thanks just... text me that he's alive at least"

will nodded, though george couldn't see that it seemed like the male got it anyway because he continued, while will went around his room grabbing what he needed;

"thank you, will..." george still had a bit of nervousness to his voice, but will could tell he genuinely meant it.

"hey anytime, gotta take care you kids, y'know?" will joked trying to ease georges worries, he smiled when he got a laugh back.

they said their goodbyes and hung up, will tugged on some shoes and was out his door, headed to the flat. pretty much his secondary home at this point, he spent a lot of time their, playing fifa with alex or george, recording videos with either, in general just hanging out, sometimes staying over on the couch because he couldn't be bothered to walk home. it was odd not hearing from the boy, that must of been the off feeling that will had throughout the week, that strange feeling that something was just _wrong_ but you couldn't put your finger on what. he was use to getting text from alex to hangout, or go somewhere with him, hell even unexpected pop-in's to his flat were also normal, he had grown accustomed to leaving his room and seeing alex laid out on his couch, watching tv or scrolling through his phone while he waited for will to wake. _they were close_ , so will felt a little guilty he hadn't noticed the sudden silence. now that he had it was all he could think about, even if the boys sleep schedule was beyond screwed up he'd get at least few late night or early morning texts from the boy, or voice notes - will loved listening to those, listening to alex's sleepy rambles, his lisp coming out more then usual, the fact that you could tell his brain was begging him to sleep. 

will looked at the front door of alex and georges flat, he raised his hand knocking lightly on the door, he waited for a few seconds, leaning in a bit to listen for alex's foot steps. _no answer, no footsteps_. this time will used the side of his fist, to pound loudly on the door. again _no answer, no footsteps_. he sighed and grabbed his key out, letting himself in with it. he walked in closing the door behind him, trying to make it obvious to alex he was there. he looked around the apartment, it was... _clean_. that almost worried will more, last time george had left for a trip, he remembered the apartment being a bit messy, and alex scrambling to clean it up the day before he got home. there weren't even any dishes or signs that alex had been taking care of himself. he walked further into the apartment.

getting to alex's door, he gave a light knock "alex?" he called, _no answer_ again he used the side of his fist to knock louder "alex it's will!" he called again. _nothing_. will sighed, anxiety making him jittery, he closed his eyes for a moment, he hated just letting himself into the males bedroom, especially when maybe alex just wasn't home - but for a brief moment as he eyes were closed, his mind anxious conjured up the fucked up image of alex dead on his bedroom floor, he eyes snapped open and he was over his confliction as he turned the handle letting himself in.

will was met with alex on sitting on his bed, snapping his head up as the door opened, hand going for a pink hello kitty baseball bat - he noticed that baseball bat as one he got as joke gift for alex before giving him his real one, he always figured he had thrown it away or sold it - gripping the handle as he looked wide eyed at the male. alex reached up pulling his headphone off, his hair looked like it hadn't been washed in days, he had dark circles around his eyes, but a wired look about him, will was pretty sure that alex didn't have pants on either, though a brief few of boxer shorts as the younger shifted back on his bed a bit showed he wasn't completely naked under his oversized hoodie... _no will's hoodie, that hoodie defiantly belonged to him_. he had let alex borrow it a week ago when for once - and on the worst day - the younger had just been wearing a t-shirt and some jeans, of course he picked the coldest day yet to do that, and will practically shoved the hoodie on to him, he looked cute in it, drowning a bit in the fabric, the sleeves easily over taking his hands.

"will?" he asked his voice was unsure, his body tense.

will didn't have to guess why alex didn't hear all his knocking, the music was so loud in his headphones that he could almost clearly hear what he was listening to from where he was standing in the door way. he nodded.

"what are you doin' here?" alex's hand was still gripping the handle of his baseball bat, his shoulders stiff and legs stiff.

"george called me to check on ya's, what did you expect? yer not answering his calls or texts, you haven't texted me since he left either, had make sure you's weren't dead didn't i?" will said.

alex watched will as he moved a bit closer, he could of sworn he saw the small boy bring the bat closer to him... _was alex scared of him?_ he didn't get any closer, not wanting to get hit. he ignored the sting in his chest that alex might be scared of him.

"jesus mate you trying to lose your hearin'?" will tried pushing his hands into his pockets, wanting alex to relax a bit.

alex woke up his phone and pressed pause, the music faded as he did so "sleepin' schedules been all messy" he said, it was lie, alex wasn't the worst liar but will had caught on to his giveaways a long time ago.

"okay fine... don't tell me whats wrong" will sighed leaning against the wall, he wasn't going to pretend like he believed alex "common if you won't talk, we're playing a game, 'm board as fuck"

the younger boy slowly scooted off toward the edge of the bed, but only when will walked to the door again. the older looked back at him, alex still didn't seem sure of him, and will hated that... why was his little alex acting like will would sprout fangs and kill him at any moment? he pushed his own feelings aside, as much as he wanted to force alex to talk about it, it would do neither of them any good.

"'m gonna go to the bathroom first" alex said, even his voice seemed to be drenched in exhaustion, with small hints of anxiety.

will nodded "take 'yer time, just come get some human interaction" he said before walking out to the living room and sitting down. he grabbed his phone and looked at the blank text message field, how the hell did he explain this in a text? alex wasn't fine - he was alive, but not fine, even people who didn't know alex that well could probably see that if they walked in, but he didn't want to worry george so much that he cut his vacation short to come make sure alex was looked after. _he doubted alex needed that, mama bird george over his shoulder constantly_.

 **Will**  
alex is alive, he's a little... weird?  
but listen i'm going to stay with him.

 **George**  
weird? how so?

 **Will**  
complex... don't worry i'll make sure he's taken care of  
just enjoy your vacation  
and don't make me send someone down there to make sure you stay there.

 **George**  
fine... but text me if he gets worse.  
or if something happens.

will could almost feel the anxiety coursing from george through the phone. it was odd being so close to someone, knowing there texting habits, realizing their own personal body langue, seeing them act different around strangers. he felt that closeness with george, not only him but alex as well, noticing the small difference in alex's behavior with the large ones. like the fact there was a pile of clothing on his office chair in his room, showing he hadn't been filming or editing the whole week. there was also the matter of alex's favorite mug not sitting on the counter, showing that he hadn't used it in... _heaven knows how long_.

he heard the shower start and got comfortable, scrolling through his phone until alex came out, his was dressed... _sort of_ , he still had wills hoodie on, but now he had thrown on a pair of sweatpants, his hair was still a bit damp in patches despite will hearing a blow dryer. he seemed a little surprised that will was still there, alex still looked uneasy, unsure of the other person in the room.

"fifa?" alex asked, walking toward the tv stand and grabbing the controllers holding one back to him, using his other hand to look through the games on the shelf.

will stared at alex for a bit, maybe if he stared long enough the he could read the boys mind, figure out what got him so tense. it hurt to think he was acting this way because he didn't trust will anymore... _did he wrong alex in someway?_ alex's head snapped to look at him, he looked worried, and got even more tense.

"are you going to take the controller, will?" alex asked, he seemed even more unsure of will now.

will out reached his hand taking the controller from alex's hand, their fingers brushing for a moment as he did. alex let out a breath of relief, and gave him a forced smile before turning back to turn on the console. alex joined him on the couch, sitting on the other side, legs curled up, almost like he was trying to get as far away from will as he could. the other male pushed down his hurt feelings, this wasn't about him, this was about alex, he could deal with himself once alex was okay again. they started playing, alex didn't put in much effort, making it way easier to win, even when will decided to throw a game, allowing him to win, alex didn't celebrate, no jumping up and telling will to ' _suck it!_ ' or complaining that will let him win and nudging him with his knee for him to try harder. nothing the male just clicked to start a new game.

worst part was the silence. neither of them said anything, but it wasn't the normal comfortable silence will use to, it was painful, lined with unsaid words, and a tense energy, the room heavy with uncomfortable tension. will wasn't one to say he could feel peoples energy, he thought that stuff was bullshit, but _fuck_ he could practically feel the anxiety, and uneasiness vibrating off of alex. there was nothing but the fifa background noises and even those seemed muffled by the layer of emotions surrounding the two.

"can we watch a movie?" alex's voice was small and soft when he did finally speak.

will looked over at him, he looked so far away, so small and worn out, his eyes darting around like he was looking for something. he opened his mouth to beg alex to talk to him, but closed it, pushing the boy to talk never went well, just pushed him further away. honestly will didn't think he had ever been this far out of reach from alex, the boy always opened up to him, it hurt to see him so distant, he might as well have been half way across the world.

"'course we can" will put on a brave face.

alex nodded and turned off the game, and went to netflix, the turned on some show will had never heard of. he kept glancing at alex who didn't seem to notice, he was tugging at the sleeves of the hoodie, biting at the strings, will would of teased him for wearing it but he was afraid the boy would take him seriously. alex hummed in question, as if will had said something, he looked at him seemingly expecting him to talk, repeat whatever he thought he heard.

"i didn't say anything?" will said.

alex tensed, but nodded, he pulled the hoodie up, and curled into himself more, he didn't think alex could look further away then he already did, but it seemed to happen as soon as will told him he didn't say anything. he was almost scared they'd loose him forever to whatever deep void he was sinking into, especially if he went any deeper. alex reached out to grab the remote, will in the mean time had scooted closer and stopped his hand, placing his own on it, alex quickly yanked it away looking at will wide eyed for a moment.

"jesus..." alex mumbled under his breath.

"al please talk to me..." will said, ignoring the fact that he had scared alex, ignoring the sting he felt once again, pushing it down to deal with later.

"nothin' too-"

"bull shit!" will raised his voice a tad bit, alex flinched a bit, looking to his hands "alex you're not yourself mate, you can't fool me, and listen usually i'd wait for you to be ready to open up, but you're really scaring me alex... you're sinking further away, and what if you go too far and i can't pull you back? what the hell am going to do without you - what are we going to do if we can't help?"

tears threatened both of the boy's eyes, silence filling the air as both of them fought off crying. alex opened his mouth a few times, each time failing to say anything, will waiting there, his hands trembling. he wouldn't move, he wouldn't leave his friend until he told him what was wrong, he refused to let alex suffer alone this time. alex brought his sleeves up to his eyes drying them.

"will... i..." his voice broke "hug?" he managed, it what he needed, will's arms around him.

the word had barley left alex's lips before will was pulling him into his chest, arms wrapped tightly around the younger boy, he didn't want to let go anytime soon. alex didn't want him to let go either, the boy finally broke down into the other chest, tears streaming down his face, soaking slowly through wills shirt - _he didn't care, it was just fabric and thread, alex meant so much more then any stupid shirt_ \- his whole body trembling. will scooted back a bit, making sure to keep alex tight in his arms as he did so, laying them down into to a more comfortable position, alex laid on top of him as he sobbed. every now and then alex would whimper some word or other, nothing will could actually make out.

will didn't know how long he sat holding the boy, it could of been a minute, and hour, hell a whole day could of went by and he wouldn't of noticed, all that matter was the boy in his arms letting out his emotions. but eventually it did stop, he wasn't sure if it was out of exhaustion, or simply because alex didn't need to cry anymore, but it stopped. they stayed quiet, alex not leaving his arms. _alex didn't want to leave the one place he felt safe_.

"'m so tired will..." alex said his voice strained from crying, his head hurt "why can't i jus' be okay again?"

will frowned and hugged him closer, he'd crush the electrons between them if it meant the the boy was closer and stayed in his arms. he rubbed the boys back, he didn't know what to say, he wished he had those magic words that would make whatever's going on in alex's head go away.

"i jus'... you don't think its gonna get worse y'know?" alex paused to sniff and shift in wills arms "then it just fuckin' does"

will nodded, only to show he was still listening, making sure alex knew he heard every word.

"...i'm seeing things" it was quite, will almost didn't hear it, part of him almost wished he hadn't, he had dealt with depressed or anxious alex, but this? it was so new, it must of been new to alex because he seemed more scared then he ever had been "think i've finally broke will... s'to much..."

will pressed a small kiss to alexs head, making the boy look up at him finally, his eyes puffy and red from crying, the tears had stained his face - and probably wills shirt - his hair was a mess the oversized sweater scrunched up a bit. if they weren't in such a awful situation will would almost the disheveled look on the boy was cute. he looked down into the boys eyes and shook his head.

"yer' not broken al..." he mumbled softly "when did ya start seein' things?"

alex paused for a moment laying his head back down on wills chest, matching his breathing with the older male as he did so "a little before george left... i don' know, my anxiety and depression just got fuckin' bad and then..." he trailed off.

"go on..." will encouraged.

"you'll think i'm crazy..."

will gave a soft disheartened laugh "no... no alex... i could never" the boy in his arms went quite. his heart ached for the boy... it always did, seeing alex stumble and fall always hurt him, it why will always tried to be there to help alex up, or catch him before he could get this low. he felt like he failed him in someway, letting it get this bad, not seeing the signs to try and stop it. realistically will knew there wasn't much he could of done, but maybe he could of stopped the spiraling, just a little bit... if he had noticed. he just loved alex so much, even in this state he loved him, even if it wasn't the alex he was use to, he loved him through it all.

"jus' like shadow people most of the time... they don't have features, besides maybe mouths or eyes... like shadow cutouts... the one see one lawns, like the cowboy leaning against somthin'" alex explained "but... they... they've started looking like you lot..." the boy started trembling again "s'why when you came in-"  
  
"you were scared" will cut him off "s'that why you had a bat with you?"

alex nodded "felt safer then..." he curled a bit, his hand curling into will's shirt, gripping it "not normal... they say nasty stuff... they sound like you guys - friends, family - they look at rotted and decayed" he focused on keep his breath the same calming pace as will.

"any since i've been here?" will asked.

"i heard somethin' before but... wasn't clear, so no..." alex said.

will nodded trailing his hand to back of the boys head and gently petting him, playing with locks. they stayed quite again, he wasn't going to press it, he didn't want the boy to relive anything just because will asked some unimportant question. he didn't know if he wanted details anyway.

"i love you" will said softly, it felt like something alex needed to hear now, he didn't care how the boy took it... will knew how he meant it, but alex could take it in anyway he needed it at the moment.

"i'm too messy to love..." it was simple, almost said like it was a fact, but it broke wills heart, shattered it.

will very quickly pushed alex up a bit so the boy was forced to look down into his eyes. "right, now you listen to me alex martin elmslie, i don't care how messy you are, i don't care how sad or angry you are, no matter how you feel, no matter what you're mental state, i love you" will said firmly, the boy above him starting to tear up "and i want you to feel better bubs, but i will love you through it like i always have"

alex sniffed, biting his tongue gently to attempt to stop the tears in his eyes from slipping out. he didn't lay back down, he wanted to sit looking into will's eyes forever, because for once since his mental decline, he actually believed the caring words someone said, and he didn't want to lose that. he slowly leaned in to kiss will but the older male stopped him, alex pulled back, a hurt looked scribbled all over his face, mixed in with worry, alex thought maybe... _of course it wasn't meant like that_. will shook his head quickly. as if reading alexs mind and placed his hand on alex's cheek.

"s'not that i don't want to love... not while you're like this though" will said, smiling sadly while alex closed his eyes leaning into will's touch. he'd never forgive himself if he took advantage of alex's state.

"you want to kiss me?" alex asked opening his eyes to look down at him.

will nodded "more then anything... but i want you the be mentally sound when doing so"

alex let out a small groan "awe s'never gonna happen" he said, it made will laugh a bit, a hint of a smile coming to alex's face, a real one, even if it was just for a second.

"we'll figure out something" will said.

alex nodded slowly, and leaned back down, this time just to cuddle back into will "stay with me until george comes back... please?" he asked.

george would still be gone for the next week, but will couldn't imagine leaving alex, not now, not when he needed him.

"of course... i'm not leaving even if you tell me to" he half joked "lets go sleep a bit... i think we both need some, and then we'll order in and watching somethin' together... yeah?"

alex nodded silently but didn't get up. will chuckled silently and sat up, carefully moving so he picked up alex as he stood up. the younger wrapped himself around will like a spider monkey, he didn't mind one bit, he carried the boy to the bedroom and laid down with him, not intention of leaving the boys side unless he had to.

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will spent the next few days figuring it out with alex, luckily with someone around him the hallucination had pretty much stopped, the odd few popped up, but will always managed to help pull alex back to reality. he had practically burned grounding methods and something called 'reality checks' into his mind, making sure he walked alex through one of them each time. always making sure alex focused on what was real.

they had found him a professional, and will was insanely proud of alex for even that, every little bit of progress will was cheering him on from the sidelines. alex got a semi-regular sleeping schedule - _well as regular as it could get for alex_ \- and was eating again, at least one meal, that all will asked of him. george had come back, and even though will didn't need to be there as often then, he still found himself wondering over and hanging out with the boys. always checking in with texts and call as well. it was hard watching alex sometimes, because will could tell he struggled still, but over all seemed in a better headspace.

"will!" alex said cheerfully as he walked out of his room to see will with george on the couch.

george had been pissed at him for awhile, keeping alex's horrible mental health status from him was apparently a big no no - but eventually he got board of being annoyed at him and they were friends again, plus it turned out fine so george couldn't be too angry. alex sat next to him on the couch, nudging himself under wills arm and wrapping his arms around his waist.

"we can switch roommates - if you're not hear alex is on me, and i love him but i swear to god if i have cuddle one more time while i'm trying to focus on something else, i'm going to kill him" george said sending a playful glare toward alex, who sent on right back, sticking his tongue out.

"I think gee would kill me" will laughed a bit rubbing the boys back "spoiled him to much, i did, when you were gone"

"i'm here y'know" alex huffed, he shifted himself into a more comfortable position under wills arm.

"i'm going to go film before you two do the fusion dance or something" george rolled his eyes and got up leaving them alone.

they sat in silence while alex glanced at few things on his phone before turning the screen off. he looked up at will and smiled softly, will smiled back. the boy was smiling again, and that was all will needed to see sometimes.

"anymore creepy crawlies?" he asked.

alex shook his head "doc says stress can cause hallucinations, so it might happened again if i get stressed from now on since that gate is open now... but nothing so far, helps to have george back in the house, there always some type of background noise then"

will nodded, alex seemed to be distant, a different type though, his mind was on something else. he squeezed the boy to get his attention, silently asking what was on his mind at the same time. alex shrugged and sighed a bit. will didn't push it, he just sat and waited for the boy to be ready to talk.

"did you really mean you'd kiss me, or were you jus' trying not to make me feel worse?" alex said, will could tell from the way he talked he had been thinking about it for awhile.

"i meant it, i just wasn't going to take advantage of your vulnerable state"

alex nodded and sat up "m'not vulnerable anymore..."

"yer always vulnerable alex, have seen you? small thing like you couldn't fight me off" will joked, making alex huff and shove him a bit.

"shut up" he said, looking down at the couch, will moved a little closer and used his finger to bring alexs face back up, their eyes meeting.

"did you want a kiss?" will asked.

alex nodded slowly. will thought for a second, the boy was much better, and he was right he wasn't in a state where will could take advantage of him, he trusted alex to know himself. so he leaned in pressing their lips together. the kiss was careful, slow, testing the waters... _perfect_ nervous lips pressed together, something both of them had wanted for longer then either would ever admit. will broke the kiss, looking down at the boy and kissing his forehead.

"this a thing now?" alex asked.

will hummed in question, and alex looked down "you my boyfriend now?" he made the question clearer for will to understand. the older male opened his mouth and closed it, he wanted nothing more then that, but he felt like they had skipped a bunch of steps. if they were going to do this he wanted to do it right.

"how about like ten or so dates first?" will asked.

"one" alex bargained, a small pout forming on his lips in a small attempt to get his way.

"eight"

"two"

"seven maybe"

"...five?"

will stared at alex and laughed softly "yeah okay ya brat... five" he leaned down pressing a quick kiss to alex's lips.

"then boyfriends?" alex asked.

"if you still want me by then" will chuckled.

alex hummed a bit "of course i'll still want you..."

will smiled softly and alex pressed another kiss to his lips. he was sure there would be more ups and downs for alex, and even himself, but he felt like they could get through it together, he would always be their for alex... its what he did best.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading, comments and kudos are always appreciated :)  
> i have a lot of one shots lined up because my body is filled with creative energy at the moment, but i don't want to get annoying and post them constantly so i'm attempting to spread them out. also i'm working on the first chapter of a longer book for will x george so... keep your eye out for that ;) probably be up sometime this week.


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